I'm scared to share this l've never talked about this not even my family or anywhere. I don't want people to judge me or treat me different. Back on January 5th five days before my 22st birthday I lost my daughter at exactly 6 months. January 5th at 2 am my water broke and then there was so much blood I knew at that moment i had lost her. For three hours me and the doctors struggled relentlessly i was pumped with so much medication at 8:03 am I gave birth via Cesarean section, I heard her cries but the medicine rendered me paralyzed and drifted to sleep at 3:30 pm i woke up to what i already knew had happened, Anilah my daughter died a little after 10am. I never got to hold her and feel her move in my hands, I'll never hear her call me mom or tell ma about her day. The six months we had together were wonderful I never felt more whole in my life but it wasn't enough and through all the test the doctors did I still don't know why of how. I did everything right and I'm such a nice person with a big heart I'm sure i would have been a great mom.

For a while i wasnt sure of myself and i still think I'm weak, the one thing that God made us women especially for I couldn't do right the one thing I'd give anything up for I can't be and I'm so scared that if i try again and the same thing happen i won't be no good. Losing her took a lot out of me and i can't imagine what would be left of me if it happened again.

It's nothing in the world i wouldn't give for a due over