help 😔

So my dads verbally abuse he's been all his life he's An alcoholic and my mom cries constantly. I want to leave my house but I'm so scared to leave. I don't know why because when my dad stops drinking he's so nice to me. But he also talks bad about me behind my back. My mom tells me to leave all the time and I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my mom and brothers but I'm afraid to stay my self. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to kill myself before and it didn't work. My brother has left the house my older brother and left far and they changed for about a day and went back and my brother came back to be with us. I have no clue what to do my heart is broken completely and I just don't know. He's an amazing father but when he doesn't get what he wants or when he drinks he gets verbally abusive. 😞 they almost got in a fist fight just now and I don't really know. I told him I was leaving with my boyfriend and he told me to got to hell and that he doesn't care that if I think I'm grown to leave. I have no idea what to do with my life anymore. I need advice.