body image..

Okay I need to get this out. I've struggled with depressed and anxiety  for nearly a year now. Only my close friends know about his. I haven't told my parents or family because I'm too scared. No one really understand the feeling if both anxiety and depression. I can't go anywhere without being scared of how people see me and what they think of me. I've never been satisfied with myself. Yes I think I'm fat. I hate everything about myself. My voice, my face, my body, my hair, EVERYTHING. I've tried losing weight by exercising and eating well and it doesn't work. I've starved myself and I lost some weight but it wasn't even noticeable. Most night I cry myself to sleep. I have cut/hurt myself quite abit. We all have those bad days, but my bad days are every days. I mean u can't really complain I have a living boyfriend who makes me extremely happy. But when I'm not with him I feel worthless and like everyone hates me. A lot of my friends ignore me now because I have a boyfriend. He always try's to get me to see myself the way he does. Beautiful. Skinny, pretty, loving, kind. But I don't see any of that. Please be honest guys. Am I fat? Am I pretty? Am I skinny? Am I ugly?