To be a stay at home mom or not?!?

Question

I think this is going to turn into a long post, so bear with me. Also please note, that the things I say are just meant to be an expression of my own feelings for my family not a judgement on anyone else's.
I've always planned to be a stay at home mom. I was raised by a sahm & loved it. We didn't have a lot of money for extras growing up,
But we had our mom to raise us and all of our needs were covered. 
My husband and I waited and planned financially so that we could live on just his income. Our budget will be tight, but we have good savings for emergencies and are both accustom to a modest lifestyle . 
We can afford for me to stay home and I really do want to be the one raising my children, not a stranger.
But (you knew that was coming right) I'm feeling anxious, how do I know I'll be good at it or that I won't miss working too much? So here a little of the other side of the story. Im a very driven person, I graduated college in 3 years then worked my way up in my career to a place where I am in a position at 26 most people aren't until there late 30's or 40's. I love my job & im good at it. It also keeps me active in my community which is a priority to me. But it can be very stressful and have long unpredictable hours. And no real way to cut back my position to work part time or from home. I don't think I could be the person my clients need me to be and the mom I want to be with out failing at one or both. If I step out of my position and wanted to come back later I'd be starting pretty much at square one... Not where I left off. I've thought about trying to step into a lower position in the company that could be designed for part time, but I don't know if the income would justify being away. 
To all the sahm & working moms & those who tried one or the other and hated it. Do you think a career driven person, who adores kids (& is good with them 😊) can be fulfilled staying home?

Answer

Stay home and enjoy your baby if you can. You'll never get these moments back. You can always work later in life whenever you feel like it, but you can get all the missed time back. My son is in bed by 7 so if he was at Day care 7:00 am to 4:00 that's only a few hours with them. I have the option to stay home and work once or twice a week and I wouldn't change it. We love it! I couldn't handle seeing my baby only a few hours a day, it just wouldn't feel right. He's my right hand and we do everything together! Mommy and me classes, love target, farmers markets, naps! I'm not going to lie, it's hard. But it's great. Stay home

Answer

I didn't have much of a career before LO but I can say there are times when I wish I did work at least part time. There are no breaks as a SAHM, adult interaction can be few and far between at times, in the early months I felt without purpose. It was a huge adjustment even with just going from a part time reception job to fully staying at home. BUT things turned a corner when my son got a little more interactive and we could go do stuff together. Somehow now that I feel like I'm teaching him things, or am able to take him out to do enriching activities like the park or petting zoo or Storytime at the Park which is put on by the library, I feel like what I do is more like a job. Not only am I providing a clean and safe environment, feeding him, etc. but I am also providing enrichment, teaching him and that gives me more of a sense of purpose. So I'd encourage you to go for it but expect to have some doubts especially in the beginning and give it time (like even up to a year) before you try to decide if you need to go back to work. Sorry for the novel that's just my two cents :)

Answer

I was going to med school and working a part time job and a single mom. When I met my husband he made enough for me to be a SAHM. I was skeptical at first because I've been so used to being on the go, the ambition, the drive, the independence (and not depending on someone else). However, I figured I'd try it until my youngest would start kindergarten. Then, I'd go back to getting into the med school program. It was difficult at first having professors, mentors, peers telling me that if they were as passionate and smart like myself that they wouldn't just give it all up to be at home doing nothing. Or they'd email me with opportunities that only residents would be offered. It was the hardest thing. But I'm glad that I stayed home. My mother always worked and never took me lunch,she never went on my field trips, or never dropped me off at school or participated at any school functions. I remember always wanting that and seeing the other kids have that. I'm glad that I'm able to be involved in my kids lives and I'm even homeschooling some of them. It's fulfilling in its own way. I'm not saying the doctor career is over, or who knows.....maybe it is, but right now it feels good to take care of my own family.

Answer

When my first child was born it felt like the first day of my life. It felt as if everything else that mattered before meant nothing beyond the benefit it gave to him. While I still enjoy the things that I used to enjoy, I don't enjoy them as much as spending time with my babies 😍

Answer

No one ever says they regret the time they took off from work to stay home. No one.

A lot say they wish they had of taken time off because now their kids are older and they realize how precious that time is.

I was the higher income earner in my home with a career I loved. I'm taking time off to raise dd because I figure I can do that for her and she will be better for it.
She's 2 and sure I miss the mental stimulation of work but I was here for every first and saw it the second it happened. She loves having me home. Work fullfilment is superficial. It can't compare to the fulfilment I feel each day. My profession will be there when I'm ready to return and I'll pick back up when she's in school.

Answer

I'm in the opposite position as you: I want to be a stay at home mom so badly but my husband doesn't make enough right now to live on just his income. I have 4.5 more weeks left with my baby girl, and then I have to go back to work full time. I'm dreading it so much.

If it were me, I would decide to stay at home until all of my children were in school. The career will always be there for you, even if you have to go back to the bottom. Your children are only young once. I say be there for that

Answer

Being a stay at home mom definitely is very rewarding.

I have been a stay at home mom for 2 years now - but I personally do not like it. It's not for me.

Answer

I'm a working career mom and I couldn't have it any other way. I have 3 little boys. I have a career I've worked hard for. I also have a flexible schedule. I work from home 4 out of 5 days a week. I was able to breastfeed so easily with my third son. I can take off when I need to. No one gives me a hard time if someone needs me. I have it all. I wouldn't dream of quitting the career I built my life for. I wouldn't feel fulfilled as a SAHM personally. I'd have to do something on the side to stay sane.

To each her own. No one could ever say my kids are important for me. They turn my world. But I have an identity outside of being a mother, and that's important too. My eldest is 6 years old. The time goes by so quickly. When they are all in school I'll still have my career and my retirement and my future and I didn't miss a step being a Mom.

We also work opposite shifts so I've never really paid expensive daycare or had "strangers" raise my kids. We've never missed milestones. We have a sitter come 2 hours a day to fill the gap between my husbands shift beginning and mine ending, but we are always here.

There are ways to make it work if you start thinking outside of the box. Just because you can be a SAHM, doesn't mean you have to be. Good luck with whatever decision you mKe

Answer

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am a nurse and I took the first 4 months off to be with my daughter. I did decide to go back but only for 5 more months. I just wanted to be home with her and missed her so much during my 12 hour shifts. We live on one income and we stay within our means. My oldest is already 4.5 years old and I have never regretted giving up my career to stay with her. I got to be there for everything! Everyday!! Her first words, walking...my husband is so jealous. You'll never get this time back again. If you can do it I say absolutely be there for your child =)

Answer

I gave up my graduate job and career path to become a stay at home mum last year, and I haven't regretted it for a second. I loved my work and like you it really gave me purpose in the community, but I always knew when I had children I would be the one to raise them. I couldn't bear to leave my little boy with anyone now. Everything I learnt and everything I value I want to teach him. I thought I would miss the structure of going to work and using my brain professionally every day, but I can honestly say I have not missed it even one day! Maybe it's not for everyone, but for me it's the perfect choice.

To be a stay at home mom or not?!?

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