Vent sesh.

I am beyond highly annoyed with my husband. It's probably more so because of the lack of sleep. However I am so ready to just run. Just run away for the day. My son is 3 weeks old, ever since the hospital my husband has been 0 help and has just been, and hasn't stayed to his word at all about how he was going to help me so much when the baby came. I ended up having an emergency csection which obviously we both were not ready for. But in the hospital while I was up taking care of our newborn or in pain my husband was passed out snoring away. Now I know there wasn't much for him to do since I was breastfeeding on the boob at the time. But you know waking up when he heard the baby and offering a simply diaper change so I wouldn't have to get up and out of bed so often, or maybe just so I could actually get some rest like everyone including him was telling me to get, would have been nice. That's when I should have noticed the red flags, that's when I should have said something then.

Fast forward to today I still get no help, yes I am healed more and able to move around better. But it's hard to do anything when I'm tied to a newborn who is now going through this always needs to be held phase, or I'm tied to a breast pump every 2-3 hours. When we came home from the hospital my husband kept saying how he will clean, and he never did, I couldn't pull myself to clean much, he never let me rest, I was the one up constantly with the baby. Which at this point he could have done because we are now giving a bottle since latching didn't work as planned. So I have a messy house, a husband who keeps saying he will do stuff but doesn't, gets mad because his work clothes aren't cleaned, dishes starting to stack, and of course it's all falling on me.

He doesn't listen to me when I suggest him doing things with the baby differently such as not holding him every time he falls asleep because this is exactly why I'm not able to put him down now. Or sleeping with him in our bed when we have a perfect brand new bassinet we got for that reason.

I know I probably sound bitchy right now, this is exactly why I am venting because I know I'll blow up on my husband which I don't want to do. But I am at an all time low. Yes I plan on talking to him, but phew. This mom needs several shots of tequila already and it's only 930 am. Last night we got into an argument because I finally woke him up to help me, to be a freaking dad and let me sleep just a couple more hours. Since he is able to sleep all week since yes he does work. And of course the baby is crying because he's hungry and I hear my husband down stairs with him saying "fucking stop child" so of course im.not going to tolerate it. He's 3 weeks old for crying out loud. So I go down and tell him to give me our son and go back to bed and he blows up saying I treat him (husband) like shit and make him feel like he can never do anything right. Well hello! You don't need to be cussing out our newborn or using a tone like he did.

I never once thought this would be such an issue. We never argue or fight. I mean we will get into little disagreements but we get over it within 5 minutes. So typically we're that annoying happily married couple. But now, lately, I can't even stand looking at him. I don't even want to kiss him half the time because I'm just so annoyed and burnt out and he acts like I'm just fine, and like I should be able to do everything I once was able to do already such as having the house spotless. Oh and he keeps bringing up sex, which I'm personally scared to do until I know I get the ok to do so. So that's another annoying thing.

Ugh I swear. I'm just going to go take a nice hot bath, and think about this all before he wakes up so I can calmly tell him how I feel.

Also sorry for the typos I'm pissed and don't feel like fixing them now lol.