Infidelity

Toward the end of March, I found out that my husband was taking to his ex on Facebook. I saw screenshots he took of the conversations (one of which he was flirting and saying he was going to give her head). I later found out that they decided to text and continued taking for 2 weeks (during which he reassured me he stopped talking to her, but continued behind my back). I found out they had been taking about a week into it. My life was turned upsidedown and caused me to have suicidal thoughts. Our marriage had been having issues for the last couple years and it felt like we were roommates more than husband and wife. We stopped hanging out together, sex wasn't as often and soon we barely talked to each other. I decided to give him some space and told myself this was an easy issue to fix, that was before him taking to his ex.

He's told me many times that they only talked and that they didn't meet up and do sexual things (like send nudes or sext). It's so hard for me to believe that and even if he didn't, the things he said to her hurt me anyway. I saw he saved 8 pictures that she send (which were all delete & he told me were painting's she did). He told me that he said that he loved her when they dated (which was when he was 13). I asked him why he did any of this, that if he wanted to be with another woman he could've left. He tells me that he was scared our marriage was ending and he wanted to distract himself from that by taking to her.

I also ended up messaging his ex to ask why she would do this when she had recently just gotten divorced because her husband cheated. She ended up saying that was the one that confessed his love for her and said he didn't know why he married me. I don't fully believe what she said, because I feel like she was just saying things to hurt me & not things that he said. I just don't believe him at all either.

They stopped talking on April 10th and he has been putting more effort and time into me. We spend a lot more time and sometimes it feels like it did before but I can't stop thinking about what happened and what he did. I cry every night and when I wake up (he's usually there comforting me telling me he's sorry he did this and he never will again) but I feel like I won't be able to move past this. I feel lost. I love him but I'm so hurt by this. I want to make it work but all I think about is that he could be lying and they did do something. He tells me he's sorry and that he won't ever act like this again, that he wants a family with me and I'm the only woman he wants. I feel broken. I've only been in 2 relationships (this one being the second) & idk what I'm doing.

Things we're amazing when we were together at the beginning and things changed after a year. I'll admit I should've asked him what was going on and tried to fix it before it got to this point but I'm just a shy person by nature that hates confrontation.

I just wanted to know if you guys have gone through this and what you did cause I feel so lost.