I think it's time to give up 😥

Well Tonight me and my boyfriend of 4 years , 3 kids 2 girls & currently 36 weeks pregnant with our 1st son .

My man been going out of state since march 2017 for work , usually goes for about 3/4 weeks then comes home ..stays for about a week and then travels back to another state .. he has missed some of my important pregnancy milestones but he "has" to work .

Money started becoming an issue .. $400 pay checks one week... $300 pay checks next week, the the week after $800. Not to mention , he's pretty much making same amount when he was home in the state. So it's not like him going out of state is putting more money on the table.. it's the same .

Last Friday he came back from out of state he was gone for 3 weeks . So we decided to go have dinner by his brothers .

A few beers he had & he was enjoying him self . Around 9pm I started getting tired and I decide I wanted to leave he wasn't ready yet so I let him stay and told my sis n law to bring me home and for him to come home whenever he was ready .

12 am came and my SO still isn't back well 5mins after it turn 12 he showed up .. went straight to bathroom and started throwing up everywhere . MUST OF HAD ALOT TO DRINK!!

Well the next day my sis n law calls me and tells me she needs talk to me about something important . So I went over to her house and she well explaining to me how my boyfriend was bragging about , when he goes out of state , he does him , whatever happen happens . He gunna go out , snort meth , etc etc ... because I'm not around because he out of state .

In about two weeks he'll be going back he said & I mention to him if he was going he said well yeah I have no choice ... I said okay well can you try and look for a new job because I don't wanna be home anymore alone doing everything alone ...

let's have an adult conversation about this ... he got up and walked away .. I told him I can't do this alone . He didn't say anything and left and went sleep downstairs . The next day I forgot I had left my diaper bag in the car and went to go get it . I'm just waking up , I had some shorts on with a baggy t shirt , walked out the front door and came back inside , there he was , yelling at me telling me I'm a fucking whore for going outside like that , with shorts on. Ima slut , and for me to just get the fuck out . He said his is my house , you live under my roof you don't do whatever you want !!! I was like wtf is your prob I went get my diaper bag ?? He said shut the fuck up , leave !!

"God I can't not WAIT TO GO BACK OUT OF STATE " his words were . So I said do you just want me to leave ?? I don't have to be here if you don't want me too ?? He said idc do what you want . Well I started crying and walked upstairs going to our room to go get some clothes for the night to leave ,

Still crying .. he came back upstairs yelling at me ... I said what is your issue ???? Why you acting like this to me ??? Can you just be honest with me ??? The other night at your brothers house did you mean all that stuff you said about doing you , and drugs , this and that ?!?! He said Ima do me , you not my momma , I'm going to do what I want . Nobody gunna tell me what to do . This my money , I spend it how I want it !!

Then out of no where's he says ... yeah I haven't found another job because I still do meth !! And I can't pass a piss test wanna know the truth ?!? There you go !!!!!!

I lost it and started crying even more .... I ran downstairs and yell is there anything else you need to tell me ?!? He didn't say anything .... Then he mention to me . Oh and that baby in your stomach , i don't even know why I keep getting you pregnant , this the LAST ONE FOR SURE !!!!

I don't want nun to do with that baby , name him under your last name . I will not be there for the baby when it's born don't call me . I'm only worry about my 2 lil girls ... 😓😓

I'm so lost .... I'm 36 weeks pregnant .&& I feel like I'm just done for ... I just wanna die I hate my life ... I think there nothing left for me ... what do I do to deserve this !?! I stay home , cook , clean , take care kids . Why you always out of state .... obvs not caring about me ... oh and this last time he came back he was so pretty and shaved down there like differently , since when ??? He never really use to shave all pretty just trim up .. idk maybe I'm just over reacting ?? Please help me