I just need to know that i'm not alone in this. (TW-mc and abortion) also this is really long

lately i've been thinking about the past and how i should've reacted but didn't because of my wellbeing. my body has carried 2 kids. i was 13 the first time and addicted to painkillers and very suicidal. i found out when i went to the hospital for a suicide attempt later in the day i was admitted after blood work. they told me i was pregnant and i burst down crying. i was not ready and i didn't want my parents to know. i was not in the right state of mind let alone sober. i had a family therapy session the next day and they told my parents. i felt like they hated me. they were in disbelief. they didn't even look at me. "she's going to get rid of it" my dad told the doctor. i burst down crying, my parents scolding me and calling me slurs. they got me on the abortion pill and i didn't have the baby. flash forward to 2 years later. i was having a lot of unprotected sex and drinking, smoking, abusing substances. i had an eating disorder and was losing weight rapidly. i was missing my period due to stress and being underweight. i had unprotected sex one night and the guy didn't pull out. i didn't mind because we were dating at the time but we broke up a week after because he said he wasn't ready for a child. i reassured him i wasn't pregnant because i wasn't showing signs. i gained a little weight and was binge drinking almost every night, so i was waking up sick. i had cravings for food but would smoke when they hit me. one night my period came back but it was really heavy. i put in a tampon and after about 30 mins it was soaked. i had the worst stomach pains and just continued my day. i went through about 1 1/2 packs of menthols and 9 tampons. i would have lots of blood clots and i thought it was just the uterine lining because i haven't bled in a while. then the night came and i wore and extra heavy pad and i tried to fall asleep. but i was still in pain so i went in the bathroom and i felt something come out. it stuck to the toilet bowl and not in the water and i saw a little thing. i was shocked. it was fleshy and weird. i did research the next morning and found that it might have been a miscarriage so i took a pregnancy test the next day and it showed up positive. my parents were a little better about the news when i told them and took me to the doctor and i had a miscarriage. i was crying. i was doing all this shit and blamed it all on my habits and eating disorder. i hated myself and had to be re hospitalized because i was getting suicidal. if you took the time to read this i just want to say thank you for hearing my story and have a great day.