Two types of losses, very different emotional effects

My first loss was thanksgiving of 2014. I naturally miscarried, took me quite some time to overcome.  My second loss was this past Wednesday, it happened so fast, I had an ectopic pregnancy and all I could think about was that I wanted to live (my pregnancy ruptured my Fallopian tube and I was bleeding internally to the point that I needed emergency surgery). I miss baby number 2 but this loss has scared the crap out of me and I'm happy to still be here. Now I have to recover, on all fronts, physically mostly, but also emotionally, I feel very disconnected to that motherhood feeling I once wanted.