When He Cheated

Question

I learned recently that my boyfriend of nearly two years cheated on me. He promises it was a one time thing and that it was wrong and a mistake. As hard as I'm finding it, I would like to give him a second chance and try to work this out together. Unfortunately, one of my friends does not think the same way. Since I'm choosing to stay, she no longer cares about hearing anything about my relationship. Any troubles I am having coping or even anything good he does to try and do his part to rebuild our trust is no longer of her concern. Just as much as I don't want my boyfriend to cheat on me, I want suportive friends who truly mean it when they say they support me no matter what I do. 
Any advice for a girl whose stomach is in knots?

Answer

I share your friends feelings... Everyone is different, but I personally have no tolerance for cheating. I have no respect for cheaters and don't understand why someone would choose to stay. You didn't give him a reason to change because you forgave him and stayed. You know the saying "once a cheater..." 
I had a close female friend who went through a long phase that was totally self-destructive and self-centered, where she would do things that showed how little she respected herself and then would complain to me about the consequences. I didn't care because I felt like she needed someone who would always be there, and so I was that person who was always there. I totally disapproved of her choices and was vocal about it, and eventually that snowballed into a growing resentment to the point where I couldn't stand to speak to her because it seemed like she always had a problem but never wanted to fix it. It takes a toll on your perception of a friendship and yourself...so really this was a toxic relationship for me and while I didn't totally cut her out, I pulled back almost all the way. 
That all was to set up what I'm about to say: your friends are not obligated to always be on your side, and if they are you should really question the people you surround yourself with. If you want people who will idly sit by while you immerse yourself into bad situations, you don't want a friend. You want an accomplice. Your friends will tell you the truth because they love you and have no incentive to appease you to preserve your feelings. Your friend clearly wants the best for you and doesn't have patience for you to go to her with your problems when in her view, you already made a bad decision. It's one thing for a child to come crying to you after they touched a fire...but a grown woman? No one wants to babysit their friends. 
All I'm saying is if your friend is showing intolerance of your choices...maybe you should hear her out.

Answer

I absolutely hate this!! I have been through my hubby cheating on me and in our case it brought us back together and stronger! U never know how u will react until u are in those shoes... To me I feel like she may not be a true friend...I know it's hard to forgive but also people make mistakes (and I know that is a big one ... I been where u are) but your girlfriend needs to respect you and your choices. And like I said I been through it so if u jus need to chat or anything u can chat with me and I'll help u in any way bc I been there done that man I'm serious girl we can chat or message

Answer

Just a personal story...my first serious relationship my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me almost a year in. He made out and danced with a girl at a party. I though that wasn't so bad and I was happy he was honest so I forgave him and barely even got mad about it. A year later, only a month before I was moving to California to be closer to him in college, he admitted he'd been sleeping with another girl for a month. Boy do I wish I'd dumped him the first time.
The fact that your could ever sleep with someone else while in a relationship with you shows he has character flaws. It is possible that he won't cheat again but it's more likely that he will and it will be worse and more painful because you'll be more invested. My ex and I did end it after that second time and never got back together, but in every relationship he's had in the past 5 years he's messaged and called me telling me he still wants me back WHILE he's in other relationships. He's incapable of being faithful. I hope that isn't the case for you but I just wish women had more knowledge of their worth and not allow the men who are supposed to love and protect them to betray them without consequences. Just be patient with your friend as I'm sure she isn't mad at you but hurting for you and worried about you.

Answer

Your friend does not have to tolerate your behavior if she does not want to. It takes a toll on her as well and she is simply looking out for her best interest. I say do whatever you want with your boyfriend, but don't expect your friends to always be responsive to you if you constantly fall into a pattern of bad choices.

Answer

I somewhat agree with your friend... after what you must have went through, you must be heartbroken and she more than likely doesn't want to see you in the pain again. I've been here in this same situation, except for I was YOU. It's never once (in my experience) it was again and again and again. He destroyed me and he always said "It was a mistake" or "it will never happen again" but the never never came and it got replaced with always.

Answer

I totally agree with you, a good friend shouldn't have to agree with you on everything, a good friend is honest. 
When the bf of my best friend cheated on her I was there for her, but when the got back together I told her that she was making a mistake and I didn't like it one bit. A year or so later he did it again, and I was there for her again.

Answer

What did he do ? I know cheating is cheating ... if he slept with another female , your friend isn't going to be so glad to hear any good he's doing to make it up to you. You just have to avoid talking about it for right now , she might thinks your settling for less and she might not be over what he had done to you.

When He Cheated

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