So my four year old daughter died two weeks ago and I told myself I could do this that I can be strong and smile. I have to because I have a three month old baby that still needs me to be mommy. And a fiancee that is breaking and interalizing everything and will break eventually and I have to be there. I have to be ok, I go to the store and Elsa and Ana's face is everywhere. on tee shirts and toys and towels and everything imagine. Along with trolls and shimmer and shine, minions, sis the science kid and Daniel the tiger everything she loved. Everyday I have to go in her room to get her sisters clothes out of the closet and her room is made up like she is coming home. Even though I know she isn't. Her bed and toys untouched and I can't bring myself to put them away. Everyone keeps saying they are sorry and everyone keeps asking so many questions. How are you doing, well shit my daughter is dead nd I have to be ok my heart is breaking and every time I talk about it every one just keeps telling me I will be ok and time will heal all wounds . be strong things will look up. news flash people it won't be ok I'm not okay. And I don't know how to face it. I don't know what to do and everything is a fucking mess my life, my house and every time I try to make things better something else happens. I gotta pick up all the fucking pieces. I'm the one who is trying to get the insurance fixed so we're not swimming in debt because it miraculously lapsed without our knowledge.Im the one who is taking care of everything and everyone and I'm losing my grip. I go to sleep and I am haunted with nightmare of her lifeless body in my arms. the feeling of her cold lips against mine as her life was in my hands and breath because she died the first time in the car on the way to an er because she was misdiagnosed in a hospital and dehydrated but the doctor refused to give her fluids.and I couldn't get her to drink. I had to watch her slip away into Brain death 2 weeks ago and everyone wants to know if we are taking it to court and what her autopsy says which I still don't know and I just can't take it. Everything is a mess including me and I don't know what to do feel think. I'm breaking and I'm scared because somebody has to be strong and I don't know how much longer I can do this. I want my daughter. I want to hold her and feel warmth I want to hear her laugh and her say I love you momma And I want to tuck her in at night. I want to be ok. and I can't be but I have to. I am not okay...