Talking about children's parents behind their back

Long story ahead

Today was my son's first birthday! Hooray!

We didn't have a lot of people bc my dad is dying so we wanted it quiet. But we had my mom, aunt, uncle, cousin (we'll call her J), cousin's daughter (well call her S age 4), my friend (N) and her foster daughter ( we'll call her V age 2.5) .

Anyway, N came early with her foster daughter. We were all just hanging around chatting and my friend started talking about the foster parent process and trying to adopt her. And then she started saying stuff out loud about the woman. Like "oh she's in prison because she burned her house down for insurance money for drugs. She has 5 kids from 5 different dads. She probably doesn't even know who V's dad is." Blah blah. Stuff like that. This was all said right in front of her foster daughter. Who at 2.5 might not remember but surely i must have an affect on her right? She was also saying things like "well I thought I'd have a kid of my own but never found the right guy so I ended up with her. I should have a daughter that looks like her (pointing to my cousin's daughter)."

I was really kind of amazed that she would talk like that in front of her. And loudly too.

Then my cousin started doing the same about her ex husband. She's done this before around me so I wasn't surprised. But she talks a lot of shit about her ex in front of her daughter.

I see this all the time. I once saw a woman at target with 3 kids in a cart between the ages of about 8 and 2 and she was on the phone saying really horrible things about her ex (presumably her children's father). Talking about divorce and him fucking other women

Here's the debate.... should people be allowed any custody of a child if they're doing that?

Also here's my son's cake and outfit bc I just wanted to show it off. 🙃