My break up... please help me understand.

My original message got deleted so this is a summary.

This boy I spent 8 months with (first relationship) broke up with me a week into summer vacation through text. He met this girl at work (we both work there) exactly a week before we broke up (7/4/17) I don't blame the girl, she pretty chill. He always would tell me I was amazing and perfect when I would talk down about myself (if he was in a good mood of course), but when I compared myself to her (shorter than me [which I pointed out to him while comparing myself to her]) his response was "I want a shorter girlfriend."

What I meant earlier by "if he was in a good mood" was that if he was angry or sad and I talked down about myself, he would yell at me and tell me to stop and gain some self confidence or just blame himself.

The first week of work was hell. It was the very first week of summer and I had never shadowed anyone or even really told what to do. I have anxiety also. I wasn't taking good care of myself, especially under the newfound stress. 2-4 hours of sleep a night, 1 full meal a day if I was lucky enough to force it down my throat, and anxiety attacks every night. When I'd go to him to try and get support and help, he'd say "just quit. You are freaking out to much. It's to much for you. Quit." I didn't. He then went on vacation and on Monday I had work with the girl. She was chill and funny and nice and pretty and great with the kids. Not to mention shorter. We went to lunch with her friend, and during lunch I'm texting him telling him that she is chill. Sitting directly across the table from her, I receive a text from him saying "you were right. I am developing feelings for her." Naturally, I was pissed. But I said we would talk about it later that night because I was at work and to angry to think rationally at the moment. We stayed up till 5 deciding what to do. We broke up. 4th of July. His definition of the break up matched my definition of a break: temporary, time to focus on ourselves, still talk, etc. so I would say that we should just call it a break. However it swiftly changed from temporary to eh to permanent within 2 weeks. Then it changed to "we'll talk when school starts." Then I got a text a month after the break up saying "can we talk about how our relationship ended and where we stand now? We need to get this figured out but NO I don't want to get back together." Everything inside me said no. I said yes. He proceeded to say:

"well, where we stand - i don't really feel any emotions towards you, not even as a friend. you kinda destroyed that by trying to force me to take you back and whatever.

my take on how our relationship went - to be honest i don't think i EVER actually loved you. i think it was just more of a rushed thing and that i actually just wanted to have sex that's why i always wanted to be doing something to you. because now that i think about it, i didn't want to be in a relationship. i didn't love you for the last six months we dated. i was going to break up with you for the longest time but i couldn't. so yeah. I do kinda regret it all..."

I felt great. (Sarcasm if you couldn't tell).

Other things he said were "You aren't working over the school year right? Because I simply as you not to. I need (work name) as a workplace to myself. Working with you feels awkward and I work so weird now because you are there. But you can finish out the summer."

Response to me saying I would be working during the school year-"then as much as I hate to say it, I might quit. I do understand I'm being petty, but it has to be this way."

And "you're just making excuses. I still might quit." (Response to my explanation to working) I asked why after that and he said "BECAUSE I HONESTLY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. SORRY TO SAY BUT ITS TRUE."

My favorite is his last few messages to me. He broke contact with me so quickly I never got an explanation to why he broke up with me. So I tried to be brace and speak up to him. I asked him for closure. He said "stop thinking I care about you. I don't and I never did. Bye. I'm blocking you."

I still work with him, and he drinks and smokes and dropped out of the one class that could help his future. All of this shit. And I still care. He treats me like shit and I still want him to be successful in life. Is that because I never got closure on the relationship, or because I still love him, or because I might actually be a good person? And if I was happy in this 8 month relationship that ended up being a huge lie, then how will I know when the relationship is real or not? He didn't drop any hints about breaking up until I'd say the last week of school.

Am I just blind? I'm pretty good at realizing things. I realized he wanted me for sex, and that he wanted to break up with me, and that things definitely were not the same as they were at the beginning of the relationship. I chose to ignore all of that. But if he honestly didn't like me for that long, then I will I know if someone truly loves me?

I was depressed about not getting to spend time with my friends and he took my phone and got all of their numbers and organized a get together and surprised me with it. He stayed up on the phone with me EVERY NIGHT until I fell asleep because I have a fear of not being able to fall asleep. He rubbed my feet under the table at a fancy dinner because "I was his princess and I deserved the best" and "if I would let him, he would carry me around instead because his princess was worth it."

My older brother and I got into a little fender-bender my freshman year, and since then I tense up automatically when anyone breaks harder than usual. The ride home from the dinner, he held me close and squeezed me into his chest every time my brother would break and I would tense and he'd whisper into my ear "don't worry. I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you. Ever. My princess."

Yes that was within the so-called last 6 months of the relationship. All of those examples were. So WTF HAPPENED?! This is why I need closure. None of it makes sense to me. Then again it was my first relationship, but I tend to be right about things, as cocky as that sounds. Why? That's all I want to know.

Why?

EXPLAIN. Again, within 6 months of breaking up.