I woke up during surgery

Trigger warning:

Okay so I had a laparoscopic surgery to remove a dermoid tumor taken out of my ovary.

Right before the surgery the anesthesiologist introduces himself and does the typical pre-surgical questioning. He did however make small talk and was nice and kind. Took his time, looked me and my partner in the eye and was honest. "im going to give you lots of drugs and youll probably wake up feeling terrible but Ill do my best". I told him that I asked my mom to bake me cookies and he said something like "I hope you enjoy them when you get home". I'll send you off thinking about your favorite vacation spot.

When it came time to hook up the anesthesia, it was both an injection and the air. Haha he's like "its just oxygen" and the last thing I said was "it doesn't smell like oxygen" (oxygen is odorless but has a latexy smell for whatever reason, anesthesia is thinner and sweeter). The last thing I heard was "now its time for your vacation spot"

Then I my next memory I woke up shivering like crazy. I was shaking and surrounded by a bunch of nurses. It fucking hurts to shiver literally moments after surgery. I remember saying "ow ow ow" and like being barely conscious.

So like they asked me for a number and I said 7 so they came back with fentanyl 😭. I was like "whats that" and they told me what it was. When I found out what it was it was already like in my iv so I'm like "isn't that the stuff weirdos go to the ER to get on purpose to get high. I don't understand why they would want this stuff it (she begins to inject it) in their bodies. Oww it burns. " I overheard her and the other nurses giggling.

Then it hit me instantly. Instead of like the rush or high my vision went out and I had a flashback to while I was in surgery. It was fucking creepy as hell. A person with a black or dark blue scrub cap very close to my face and the operating room light.

Then like as I was on the heavy morphine stuff, I kept forgetting to breathe and monitor would beep. My heart went much lower than usual it was so bizarre.

Anyways when I went home the anesthesiologist said goodbye and "go enjoy your meal" which was nice. At least he was nice to me and made an effort to care.

Anyway, I'm writing not because I hold grudges or am angry, but because it makes me feel a whole set of complicated feelings I can't really explain.

TLDR:

When I got injected with morphine (against my will) I had a flashback to waking up mid surgery.