Eating disorder

At the end of 2015 I weighed 49 kg, for almost a year and a half I kept my weight at 53 kg, it wasn't a lot to weigh but I wanted less, I wanted 50 or 51 kg but I could never get down to it

In 2017 my weight sky rocketed to 63 kg, I feel so disgusting when I see my self, none of my old clothes fit and I'm getting fatter day by day,

I let my self go... my eating disorder made me very tired and just feeling lethargic always but I didn't feel weak or sick, I felt so strong and loved how I looked because I was not eating and exercising

I wanted to go back to exercising and I started to..but then I had surgery on my tail bone area, now I can't do any exercise and I have to eat to keep my self healthy so I'll get better

I miss being hungry and watching what I ate,

I hate it but I'm so in love with the thought of being skinny and not eating

I don't want to eat, anytime I get sad I want to throw up because I know it would make me skinny...

I don't want to eat anymore I want to fade into my old skinny self...

I hate my self and how I look