I don’t even know

I have always said that I never wanted kids. I have raised a ton of kids already because my siblings have them and then they had me take care of them while they were gone. By take care of them I mean they’d ditch me with a baby that I had no idea how to care for when I was 11 years old. This was for months at a time. Now I am 17 and was telling how I never wanted to have kids and I would rather pursue my nursing career in the military and be focused on helping others. I just found out I’m pregnant and im actually attached to it. Im terrified because I didn’t expect to be attached to it. I don’t believe in abortion or adoption whatsoever so even if I didn’t feel this way I would keep the baby, but I keep reading about postpartum depression and I’m terrified that I will resent the baby and do something stupid to myself. I already live with chronic depression and extreme anxiety. I am a junior in high school and I am bipolar. I am scared of how I am gonna react when it’s here. I feel like such a bad person.