Why Did I Allow Myself To Be Treated That Way For So Long???

2 days into my break up & I haven't even cried yet. I don't miss my ex at all I'm just real down on myself for allowing myself to be treated that way for so long. How could I allow myself to be second best to this man? How could my best not be better than someone who cheated & used him & he still loved her more than me? Am I not good enough? Cute enough? Thick enough? How can I know this man was still in love with her & still give him my all? After she came back & he ghost on me how could I believe he didn't leave me to be with her even though I knew he was lieing through his teeth? How could I take him back after doing me like that? How could I lose the self esteem & confidence I worked so hard to build since I was a teen comparing myself to a woman I don't even know because I wanted to see what she had that I didn't? Why am I still jealous of this woman? Why did I even give this man another chance when he left me heartbroken at 19? Why did I let him ruin me like this? Why am I always second best to any man I've ever been with no matter how good I am to them or whatever I bring to the table? Why do I hate myself so much to allow anyone to treat me this way? Just a bunch of questions thats been running through my head I wish I had answers too I'm praying more & worrying less... please god remove anybody from my life who means me no good please god protect my heart I'm your child & I'm crying out for you to help save my soul make me a better person & heal my heart I want to love again please send me a man of god whenever you feel I am ready please god teach me to love & respect myself again 🙏🙏 🙏