😬😬Brace Yourself!!!!!😩😩

Im in my early 30’s. I was with this guy for 7 years, the whole time he was sneaking around with his 2 kids mother unbeknownst to me, they’re engaged now. I was madly deeply in love with this man, I did things with him and for him that I’ve never done with or for a man before & never will!!!!!! When he first left a year or so ago I was devastated💔🖤💔 continued to have sex with him atleast once a month up until 3..4 months ago. I had no one to vent to or cry to because my friends got tired of it👉🏽👉🏽👉🏽pushing forward: There’s this very popular bad boy I met when I was 16 and began having sex with at 18 or 19. He opened his ears being that he has always been someone I’ve dealt with sexually or casually on & off over 15 years...plus he nothing better to do because he was incarcerated for almost 5 years, we talked every day &night; for more than half of the 5 years. We learned everything about each other.. he definitely learned a lot about me because I talk a lot & I’m not ashamed of the things I’ve been through, good or bad. His advice helped me put my heart back together after the 7 year disaster😢😢He even managed to send gifts for Mother’s Day & Valentine from behind bars. Long long story short. I feel head first in love. Even got his name tattooed on my side being that since we were bffs for 15 years I figured you’re suppose to marry & spend the rest of your life w your BFF right?🤔🤔 I’ve never seriously dated a bad boy let alone a very known “jailbird”. He got out and disrespected me more than any man ever has in all my years of dating. He now is supposedly in love with a new girl who he parades on all his social networks & in public like I’ve never mattered😤😤He still calls all the time & almost stalks me. Especially when he gets in trouble, he says that’s when he really realizes how much his true friends matter.. & that he loves me sooooo much he never wants to loose our friendship,he throws around the word “friend” alot when speaking of us now a Days...how are we or have we ever really been friends when there has ALWAYS been sex involved though, sometimes on my part bc I can’t have handsome guy friends unless we’re sexually involved🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️I’m restless, confused, single, sad, depressed, even a little jealous & miserable. I feel so used & abused like I’ve never really had true love besides my children’s fathers when I was way younger. I don’t even wanna get out of bed most days. PS. I just want to get married & live the happily ever after Fairytale which I always make crystal clear to my guy friends. What’s wrong with me????? Why my feelings don’t matter??? Why can’t I have real love????