I AM TIRED
I am just soooo damn tired of not being pregnant. I'm officially FED UP! 8 months of trying and trying and trying to no avail. I know there's some women in this group that have been trying much much MUCH longer than I have but I'm just so tired of trying. Im at my wits end and I am ready to give up 😢. I just can't bring myself to tell him I'm tired. I know how bad he wants this, how bad WE'VE wanted this. As I'm typing this I'm hiding in our room crying bc my period just started. We thought this was our month...I was 6 days late and he was overjoyed...but now I can't even face him. What am I supposed to say? "Sorry babe, try again next week." and next week turns into the next cycle... I'm just so hurt right now. THIS IS ALL I WANT! His face each month I tell him I'm not pregnant breaks my heart more and more. His eyes are a dead give away. He says its fine and we'll keep trying but I know he's hurting too.
Maybe I'm stressing this too much but this hurt I'm feeling is so different compared to anything I've ever felt before. Its like an endless cycle of BFNs or extremely faint lines or symptoms galore with no baby. Its beginning to take a toll on both of us. We went out and got pre-seed, folic acid, started charting my period, eating healthier, I cut out alcohol completely to ensure that our baby would be healthy...and nothing. So yes I'm HURTING. It feels like someone has a tight grip on my heart. Tears are falling but no words or noise can escape my lips. I just want to be a mom again 😔😢