I really need to vent,

I have no one I can talk to about it. It makes my boyfriend upset, my best friend doesn't believe me, and I don't want to cost my mom money if therapy is not covered by the insurance.

My boyfriend when I was 15 raped me and then convinced me it never happened. And almost 4 years later I still have to tell myself I didn't make it up. I told my stepmom and she told me I brought it on myself. I didn't tell anyone for another six months, and when I did only one person supported me. My uncle said it was my fault because I let him. My best friend is friends with him still. One of my old friends is living with and having a baby with him. The police didn't even pretend to believe me. They accused me of being angry with him for breaking up with me and trying to get revenge. He's moved out of state but I still look over my shoulder everywhere I go. I see his face in my nightmares every single night. I can't get over the fact that he will never face any punishment. He's happy and thriving and Im rotting. I would just like someone to talk to 😭 I hate feeling like Im stifled. I hate not being able to breathe.