Feeling weird . TTC blues

So ... everytime I get my hopes up just to let myself down the second AF shows up. But today, I don’t know... I just feel super weird. I’m just in an odd mood and I can’t explain it. I can’t think straight... I’m dizzy... I’m kinda sad just with recent events ... a lot of changes happening along with Las Vegas... and I just ... am sad... but Idk my brain is foggy.... I’m supposed to start AF today. No signs besides the mood swings today... I’m really praying to get my BFP this month... But I’m scared to test because I’m scared it’ll be negative , AGAIN. Anyone else just ever felt “off” like this before getting a BFP? Wondering if it’s possibly a sign. Idk. Everything seems to be a sign ... and then AF shows up... so who knows 😂