drowning

okay my bf really ignores the fact that i have depression an anxiety. he’s gone far enough to call me childish bc i won’t go to a cashier and pay for me, or just call me childish in general or that i’m like a “little kid”. it’s like 2:58am and i was like hey i wanted to talk to you bout something tonight (he’s been up for three hours and kept waking me up so now i’m up)

anyways i was like so all that i can think about is how when you’re younger you just live each single day by individual day and you don’t really think about it and by the time you do see it, 12 years have gone by, 16 years, 18 and now i’m turning 20. and these are my prime years and that’s just it. i don’t have nothing accomplished in life and i practically graduated high school 2 years ago (16’). now i don’t have anything to look forward too because after all these years school has kept me preoccupied and now i just sit at home in a dark house all fucking day by myself (pretty much was forced to quit my job so i’m trying for a new one)

my bf gets mad at me an he’s like stop. i don’t want to hear this and i’m upset and i just roll over an he’s like you gonna pout now and i’m just sitting here thinking about contemplating suicide because i’m so unhappy with how life is but he doesn’t understand. he’s spoiled and doesn’t put effort into thinking about anything.

i need help. i know. but i wanted this off my chest and i’m dying. any idea what to do?

another thing my bf does is he knows i want to die like he’s not stupid. i’ve been like this for years and now he’s told his friends multiple times that people who say they won’t do it bc they’re pussies and they only say it for attention and if they really would they would do it. i’m really trying like really trying girls not to relapse. i met him when i was 15 and i love him so much. but idk. i’m scared i’m going to just snap and the more i think about this stuff the more surreal my situation becomes that i just won’t care and do it.. i wish he knew i wish he cared...