Fake it till you make it

My fiancé and I had a huge fight the other night. I have bipolar disorder, chronic pelvic pain, vulvar vestibulitis, and have been sexually abused, and so a good majority of the time, I don't feel like having sex. A lot of the time I start crying halfway through, either because it hurts or because I start panicking. We were ttc this cycle and the other night he said "I feel like you only want to have sex with me when you're ovulating." well, yeah, it helps?? kind of thought we were on the same page on wanting to have a baby and you have to have sex around ovulation to do that...

so i guess I'm just gonna start telling him I'll have sex with him even if it hurts or I don't want to because I'm terrified if I don't he'll cheat on me or leave me. And if I don't get pregnant this cycle (af expected today) I'm just gonna delete this app and stop trying. I'm so depressed.