Share your story - me too

I want to open up a post where people can simply share their story, get it off their hearts with zero judgment. Any comments on others posts should be uplifting and encouraging or simply don't comment at all. I would rather leave this anonymous but I won't, as I know the comments won't be.

TRIGGER WARNING:

Me too, many times. It's not your fault and you are not alone. Over the last few days I've seen #metoo plastered all over family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers social media feeds. So many stepping out to voice their experience with sexual harassment, or sexual assault with two, powerful words, and my heart just shatters.

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No two stories are the same, but each and every one carries a heavy deep scar, the same foundation of trauma engraved in so many beautiful people. The trauma that makes us put our keys between our knuckles and dart our eyes around the parking lot as we get to our car, the trauma that makes us dress differently to avoid any kind of attention, the trauma that leads to toxic relationships, and so on.

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Statistically, 1 in 6 women experience attempted or complete sexual assault. But I can tell you given the amount of us who are too scared to voice our experiences, that statistic is much much higher than it shows on paper.

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For many, this kind of assault is something that defaults to self blame, self hate, and self destruction. You see the picture above? I may look all put together and happy, and I am happy most often, but what I carry with me is much heavier than most realize or assume.

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Let me share a story of My first experience with complete sexual assault. I remember waking up in a puddle of my own vomit in the fraternity house , my mind a foggy haze of complete unfamiliarity. Naked wrapped in a blanket that I somehow draped around myself. I didn't remember where I was or what happened. I didn't remember ANYTHING. I was fighting right now, at 2 in the afternoon to stay conscious as I drove home in some tshirt I found and a pair of basketball shorts I didn't know who either belonged to I just grabbed whatever clothes were whole and darted. I began trembling as I attempted to piece together what the hell happened. Did I get too drunk? No I only had one beer? What The hell? No that wouldn't happen to me? Is this my fault? What even happened? with him? I was just trying to enjoy my baby sitting duty of making sure my best friend at the time's boyfriend at the time didn't sleep with anyone. I remembered him offering to play beer pong with me, I agreed knowing I was terrible but it would be a nice pastime. This led to the horrible night altering mistake-setting my drink down while I played. I missed the drugs being dropped in my drink. I remember fighting consciousness, saying I felt dizzy and it wasn't right and then nothing. Blank. I didn't need to be tested. I knew...you just know. Especially by how your body reacts to it. And I didn't want my body to be a crime scene, or for the situation to be a public display of "whore and who?" Because the woman always gets blamed. I was blackmailed, with videos and pictures that were taken of me and with me that night for months. The small fraternity house of scumbags had their way with me. I lost the entirety of what self worth I'd built up at that point. I blamed myself. I felt worthless. I spiraled, thinking I only deserve dirt because I am dirt, my life pivoted from this point on, the before, and the after. I could never be the same again. And what's absolutely more devastating? This laid the foundation for the next occurance.

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That was all wrong. This issue needs to be addressed and needs to be vocalized because it is much MUCH larger than people realize. It's not just something people talk about, it's your neighbor, your friend, your wife, your daughter, it's OUR people being affected and it NEEDS to stop.