Baby blues (update)

I posted on here a few weeks ago about how nobody talks about or warns you about the baby blues & I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the mamas who responded and gave me encouraging words. Wow, that was a very extremely dark place for me. I was so scared because I wasn’t bonding with my baby. Everyone said I would immediately fall in love with her and that the mommy instincts would kick in almost instantly and that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Day after day I could feel it getting worse. I hated nighttime and i would get super frustrated with my baby girl. I would look at my hubby and cry and ask him if we made the right choice by having her. I cried myself to sleep every. single. night. I just felt so helpless! I was one week into being a mom and I just kept thinking to myself “holy shit, I’m the worst mom ever!” How could I possibly be having these thoughts?

I’m now almost 3 weeks postpartum and I just wanted to post for any mamas going through the same thing that it’s okay! I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but it gets better! It’s 100% okay to feel this way and it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel lost, confused and angry. You are human. It’s like I randomly woke up one day and looked at my baby and I fell in love. I can’t live without her! I don’t know who I am now, I’m still finding myself as a brand new Mommy but I love it! I love waking up in the middle of the night to change her and feed her. I love the dark bags under my eyes. I can’t even believe I’m typing this not even 2 weeks after posting about how miserable I was as a ftm. I thought something was wrong with me but it turn out it was just those crazy hormones!