Normal or not... Thoughts?

So... I’m 19, almost 20, sophomore in college,, and I’ve only really had three relationships. None of which were super serious. The last one was a couple years ago. I’ve kissed maybe 2-3 guys, and I’m still a virgin. Aaaaand that’s all my experience.

People tell me all the time “oh it’s normal you’ll find someone and be ready to give yourself to him.” I’m ready to start a serious relationship but I’m afraid that it’ll just be like “oh you’re a virgin! How cute” because guys have said that to me before. Kinda gets to me. As if it should matter that I’m a virgin. I’m overweight, maybe about 200lbs and 5’5” and I’m so self conscious.

On a sidenote, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so maybe that’s why I’m letting all of this get to me so much 😂

I guess my real reason for posting this is that I’m afraid it’ll be a total turnoff that I’m overweight and a virgin along with other things. I’m sure as hell not going to lower my standards just to get some, and I still want my first time to be with someone I really care about at the time. I know it won’t matter who it was with in the future but in the moment, when it’s happening, I want to feel like it will, you know? I know that if the guy really truly cares for me, he won’t care what I look like but how am I going to even get a guy when I can’t even look at myself and think I look good?

Sorry that this post is all over the place, but so is my mind! All my friends are in serious relationships or pregnant and I just wanna find someone to call my own. Tinder and POF haven’t really been working out, and my coworker-crush isn’t really going anywhere (mostly because I chicken out anytime I think about asking him out, fear of rejection leading to awkwardness in the workplace) but if you guys have any advice or thoughts, I would much appreciate it! ❤️