I'm just kinda lost

Yesterday I had found out from my father that when he was working on a construction job a few years ago he inhaled silicon bits. Therefore his lungs scared over them after not being able to rid of them. Worst scenario, my father gets a tumor in his lungs and has to get a lung transplant, however he is O- blood type which makes him less likely to get a lung match for the transplant. My mother (my parents are divorced) had know about this because my father was freaking out and talking to her about it, where my step dad found out through her. They knew this around 3 weeks ago but my father asked them not to tell me or my brothers...Today, I found out for the past 3 weeks my step dad has been avoiding talking to me because he didn't have any compassion for my father from past pain he has caused my brothers and I... I guess I just feel like I'm loosing both father figures in my life and I want to cry but I feel as if my tears have dried up. I want to love and laugh with my father but I'm so numb from all this I simply have to fake a smile and move on.

A back story on my father: When I was younger and my parents got divorced my father became a drunk. He also became abusive to me and my two brothers. Sometimes it was physical but most of the time it was mental.

I love my father but I continue to hear from my step dad that he feels as if he deserves it, but hates himself for thinking that way because he knows it's not the Christian mind set.