I wrote this earlier this year. I’m really excited and thankful for my rainbow baby that’s on its way. I’ve healed so much over the past few months. I know it’s all because of God’s divine hand.

On March 17th of this year I was elated to find out that I was pregnant with my third little miracle. On March 18th I had some complication but my pregnancy hormones (HCG) continue to rise. This suggested my pregnancy was continuing. My doctor was keeping a close watch on my HCG levels. I was going to the clinic twice a week for blood drawls. We quickly began to notice that my hormone levels were not rising appropriately. I had a ultrasound on March 29th. No evidence of pregnancy was found. My second ultrasound one week later revealed heart breaking news. Ectopic pregnancy. This means that the baby had attached somewhere beside the uterus. In fact the baby was inside in my left fallopian tube. In ectopic pregnancy the baby is not viable. Meaning, the baby could not survive until birth. I could have life threatening complications if the pregnancy continued any longer. My fallopian tube would eventually rupture and I could hemorrhage. I was giving the option of surgery or a injection of a chemotherapeutic drug called Methotrexate. Since, pelvic surgery was not on my list of things to do. I opted for the injection. We returned Thursday April 6th for my injection. Friday evening April 7th was only the begging of the terrible physical pain that began. The emotional turmoil had already began much earlier. The only way to describe the pain is it was much like preterm labour coupled with pelvic surgery. I couldn't sit, step wrong, cough, laugh, or sneeze without terrible ripping pain. The constant lower back pressure was miserable. No pain medication was prescribed to me. (Much to my objection). Sunday came, my pain had lessened. In the week to come more blood drawls and terrible side effect for the Methotrexate. I had a trip to the ER due to severe stomach virus type symptoms caused from the Methotrexate. The fatigue and pregnancy like symptoms continued even after the injection. It's indescribable having pregnancy symptoms when there is no viable pregnancy. Waiting to hear that My HCG hormones finally started to descend seemed like a eternity. I remember saying to God "Why would you let this happen to me" and "What good can come of this". I still don't have the answers to those questions. When I received the news that my HCG levels were returning to normal. I felt like the storm was receding. The song by Aaron & Jeoffery "After The Rain" came to my mind.

After the rain

You can look to the sky again

The clouds will give way

To the light of the sun

After the rain

You know that you've made it through

And you'll finally see the joy from the pain

I've had scripture and Godly music infused into my life. This scripture ran through my mind constantly through out this whole ordeal.

Psalms 43:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

While I was suffering tremendously and drowning in self pity. I tried to pray but words wouldn't come. I constantly had scripture and songs coming to mind and speaking to my heart. It wasn't until after the rain that I could see His touch in my life. I can remember Gods constant presence. His words of comfort speaking to me and carrying me through. This scripture also ran through my heart and mind.

Psalm 121:1-2King James Version (KJV)

1 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

2 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

God is my comfort and strength. He is my healer. When I don't understand. When I don't know why. My God is faithful. When I look back. I can see His mercies and His gentle presence. If your reading this and life is difficult. I hope this can encourage you to simply trust in God. Let him carry you through the rain. Don't be discourage. Sometimes, it's after the rain that His faithfulness is revealed. After the rain in Genesis God made a covenant with man. He place a rainbow in the sky to remind us of His promise. I don't know what lies on the other side of my rainbow. I do know Gods promises are certain. He holds my all of my tomorrows and He is faithful to His child.