2 days ago... *trigger* UPDATE

I wish this was a happy post but it isn’t.

I was raped two days ago by someone that I thought I would spend forever with. Fucked up part is that our newborn daughter was asleep in the same bed.

Sad part is he knew I was raped in my past ( I didn’t call the police on that person I was 14). He told me that I should be used to being raped.

The past 48hrs I have been in a daze. I just go through the motions of my life, trying to take care of my kids and work. Truth is I’m not ok. I feel dirty and used up. How could he do this to me? I either report him and my kids lose their father or i say nothing. Will they take my kids if I report it? Can I just get a restraining order? Will he have access to my children?

I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. I’m just sad, ashamed, and embarrassed.

Update: I called the police and reported his ass. He is out of my house and our lives. I feel like a weight has been lifted off me.

There was never any abuse towards my children (2 of which are his). I was scared but my thought was my kids. It’s just me and my 3 bears from here on out. My happily ever after with Mr. Right will come but my focus will always be us four. I just want to thank you ladies for the support. I am going to seek counseling as well.