Had/having a hard day 😭

So I’ve got so much going on with a new career, a big move to a new state etc etc... things have been going great but today has been so hard. I struggle with infertility to the point doctors have told me I probably won’t have kids of my own... which each day gets easier to deal with but there are still those days that I get blue from that reality. Well because I have no children and adoption is way too expensive for now I look at my pets as my “babies”. I’m staying with my mother in law who has a bunch of farm cats... one in which is just a tiny little kitten that I’ve grown so fond of and wanted to take in and adopt as mine when my hunny and I move into our own house here soon. Well this kitten had quite the eye infection because one of the dogs had bit him so I was keeping an eye on it and keeping it clean. Today when I went to check on him he was shaking horribly and I was going to against my mother in laws wishes take him in to warm him up... as I got closer I noticed he looked as if he had been attacked again but in the hind legs and he smelt like something rotten. I warmed him up and got him comfortable and my fiancé and I brought him in to get checked out by the vet to try and get his health back to par. His breathing on the way became labored and at one point I thought he was gone... luckily with the sound of me talking to him he began to breath again regularly and even moved around a bit. When we got to the vet though they said he was showing signs of neurological damage and they think he had rabies... and had to put him down. I’m crushed. I know it sounds dumb to some but when you can’t have kids your pets become your children. I’ve had two miscarriages and this crushed my heart just the same 😭