3 YEAR RELATIONSHIP DOWN THE DRAIN

I just told my baby's father that I love him but I wasn't sure if I was in love with him anymore. He noticed that I've been acting weird lately & I had to come clean. It has been bothering me for months. A little background to our relationship, we started dating when I was 14 & him 16. I made the dumb move to cheat & he found out. After that he became sorta toxic. 3 months later I got pregnant. He didnt wanna be seen with me & I didnt know why. Then one month before giving birth I found out he cheated. He's been cheating the whole time. After we break up he decides to date the girls he cheated on me with & rub it in my face. After a while we got back together. & there were trust issues with him & he made me cut off guy friends so I did. Then I find a picture of him & a girl hugging & then she hmu saying that my bd was his best friend. I get mad but let it slide & move on. After that there was constant arguing. Like really bad arguing where he would threaten to make a scene in front of family & most times he did. After a while I sort of became disappointed and started losing feeling. These recent 2 months he's been acting all lovey dovey & really shows that he loves me. Or at least now he does. So I told him how I feel & he's obviously really hurt. Now that he got his shit together I don't know how I feel about him. He told me he was planning on proposing. I'm so fucking hurt rn. I'm fucking balling my eyes out I dont even know what to do rn. I still love him so fucking much but I have mixed feelings. I feel so fucking guilty I need someone to talk to