Stressed For No Reason?

I'm freaking out and I really don't know if I should. I feel like I should have the right to be stress and sad. Okay so Sept.27th I lost my baby(15weeks). Turns out I was high risk and my doctor was suppose to stitch my cervix at 12 weeks but he never even checked me until 14 weeks and 6 days. Even then he blew off all the pains I was having and just said it was cause I was pregnant. Supposedly he checked my cervix but if that's the case he would have seen it dilating because not e

ven 30 minutes after leaving every time I went to the bathroom I kept feeling like a balloon was falling out of me. I knew what was happening but I was scared to even think I was about to lose another baby especially since I had made it to the second trimester (barely I know but still). By 2am I was in too much pain and too uncomfortable. I went to the hospital and got ultrasound. They said it was nothing good. Cervix w

as open

and baby couldn't survive so little. The baby had a heart beat so they couldn't give me the medicine to move the process along. It was the worse just sitting there waiting, knowing full well what I was waiting for. My fiance couldn't even look at her when she was born. I couldn't stop holding her cause I knew I would never able to again. I lost hope in everything that day. Anyway time moved on and my family and my fiance's family decided they had some problems with me. So first was my dad. I got sick, messaged our family's group chat for some medicine because my Fiancé took the last of it the day before and since Irma had just passed through I weeks before that we had no money since my fiance's job was closed. My dad freaked out: send a couple screenshots too much to send the whole conversation

That ended with him saying he hated talking to people like me so I was extremely sick and twice as depressed. Like a day later my fiance's brother was messaging my fiance cause the family wanted me to watch the grandma. She has Alzheimer's and the mom was sick, the sister just had a baby and the baby was only 3lbs so she was still in the hospital so the sister was going there everyday. So anyway I didn't want to do it and felt guilty for not wanting to be in the house. I mean seriously the baby was coming home soon, plus the sister has three other kids and the first thing her 4 year old told the one time I went over (while the sister and baby were not there) is my baby sister's coming home today. I think only the oldest daughter really understands why she shouldn't bring the baby. The girl couldn't even talk to me. Anyway I felt guilty cause I was so upset going into that house. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible and just cry forever. So I didn't want to have to watch the grandma. I mean they wanted me to do it like from then on not just for a day or two. All you need to know is the brother messaged my fiance telling him I was taking advantage of him and he needed to get the fuck out. Told him he could come stay with him and just crap anyway I'll post the messages.

So yeah I didn't start off being rude but after that I got so mad. I'm blue and he is white btw. Anyway Monday is my fiance's birthday and we have to so celebrate today with his family cause he has work Monday. I worried and depressed. We still haven't seen the baby yet and she's a month old but I just don't have in me. I almost cry seeing kids in stores, I do cry in the car. I don't know why I can't get over this. I feel heartbroken. Plus I got my first period since miscarriage last week and it just killed me. I feel like the brother's gonna bitch at me and I'll let him cause I'll be too upset about being in the house. How long is it going to take for me to move on? To not be jealous of every mom I see. Especially ones like my sister in law who smoked the whole pregnancy and acted surprised the baby was so small. Plus she was upset and it's understandable for her to be but at the same time at least the baby is alive and otherwise healthy. That's the feeling I want gone the most. I feel angry and just cheated out of a child. I have respected and been kind to everyone my entire life and I have nothing to show for which is why I went off on the brother like I did. Since I met him I have had nothing but kind things to say, to his face and behind his back. Yet all this time I've been with his brother he's been thinking these horrible things about me but always acted so nice in person.