Does this mean I’m not ready for baby #3

So I have two children and last month DTD to try for baby #3.

I am not with my babies father, but we both want another sibling for our children and this works for us.

However I was so excited and symptom spotting, and so disappointed when I had my AF last month.

We are due to BD again next week but I feel different. I keep telling myself to be happy with the two blessings I have, and that I’m not ready.

I have convinced myself I don’t want another child and that I couldn’t handle being a single parent with 3 children.

I don’t know if I’m being stupid as I know when I see my BFP I’ll be so excited and it really will be the best news. Baby news is amazing.

Am I maybe just trying stop myself from the disappointment of a BFN again.

I feel like I’m an idiot and stuck in between two places in my head.