I fucking just want to avoid any causes I don't care about. Neither of those things improved my life and they only complicated things. Everyone made a big fucking deal about fucking lgbt rights when I feel that people hardly talk about the sick shit that happens to transgenders, such as when they get raped and beat up. Most lgbt awareness events at the college I attended only focused on general things. When it comes to marijuana I could give a shit less. It didn't make my abusers any less abusive and it was a waste of money and time. I hate how people try to play up the benefits of medical marijuana and then I get wrapped up in some scheme that doesn't fucking benefit people with terminal illnesses and life threatening conditions. I could give a shit less about some lazy stoners, or fucking off on the couch when there's more important shit going on in the world. I would rather go be a Doctor than sit on my ass smoking pot being stupid all day. What about the fucking ebola outbreaks or aerosolized biomedical weapons? I hate how all my ex boyfriends that smoked are prime examples of lazy money grubbing assholes that champion weed legalization for medical reasons, when they just want to slack off and sit on their asses. I would have rather gone to college to be a doctor or fucking genetics patent lawyer or physicist. Some people are do-ers and they'd rather accomplish things than fucking sit on their asses and be lazy and unproductive all day. I hate how everyone tells me to take it slow when I always lived life in the fast lane and I always felt that if you were well enough, it makes you an entitled, lazy shitbag if you have brains and the capabilities to do school and the "hard" medical jobs that require extensive education and training lazy people shy away from because they'd rather kick back and get high and party, spend their money on expensive cars and video games and dumb bullshit or not push themselves. I didn't want to be a doctor for just the money, but because I feel that if you have the drive and abilities to push yourself more, that you should because there are people out there that cannot help themselves. A doctor may not be a true philanthropist, but I wanted the challenge and they have alot of commanding power and respect. A doctor is a leader. Most of my ex-friends thought becoming a doctor meant having the fanciest car in the hospital parking lot with a sign by your reserved spot. I wanted to be a doctor and walk to and from the hospital to my apartment and because I wanted a challenge. Some people work to live, I always lived to work. I gave up movies and parties and outings and dates and drugs and going to bars and clubs because I wanted to have a career. I felt like a lazy piece of shit for drinking and smoking weed, why? Because I forgot how shitty it was to have blood drawn all the time, because I forgot about the conversation I had with a transplant patient and the conversation I had with my neighbors who came down with cancer. People think that being a doctor is about making your parents happy or having a fat paycheck, I always felt I'd like the fast paced lifestyle and actually contributing to society. I just never enjoyed art or watching movies or video games, even the surgical simulation ones. It's hard to explain.