I just wanted to say that seeing this group was being created was a breath of fresh air for me and I’m hoping my story will help someone else deal with a cheating spouse when there are serious underlying issues.

My husband and I have been married 2 years now and we have almost 5 kids (2 from my previous marriage). When we met he was struggling with substance abuse and was a high functioning addict. He struggled with sobriety for a long time because he would never admit that he had a problem. The same went with sex. Before we met he had so many women he would have sex with and watched porn and jacked off constantly. We would have sex all of the time, at least 2x’s a day, then I got pregnant with our daughter and was put on bedrest. He struggled. He was back to drinking and smoking and cheated twice. I didn’t find out until he told me months later and at the time we were engaged and I called off the wedding.

He didn’t want to but he agreed and he gave me my space. He knew he was wrong and he never wanted to hurt me but he told me the truth because the guilt was more than he wanted to live with. He needed me to know the truth.

I decided to stay because he was willing to make any concessions I needed in order to be comfortable. I also stayed because I knew that I was capable of the same thing and couldn’t fault him for doing it first.

Fast forward to after our wedding and I’m pregnant with our second child together. He starts smoking and drinking again. Enough was enough. I gave him a choice, he either deal with his addiction or leave. He finally decided to do something and joined recovery. It was there that he realized he also had a sex addiction in addition to his substance abuse. He realized he had too many triggers and had to start getting rid of them. Every day is touch and go for us but I maintain that I will support him because he needs it. We don’t lie to each other, even the smallest things. If he ever feels like he is susceptible to a relapse, he tells me. He doesn’t watch porn, I don’t either. He doesn’t engage in hyper sexual banter or topics with other women. We go to recovery together. I have my own issues but I am there to support him as well. He’s been sober over a year now and no sexual relapses (flirting, etc.) in months which is huge.

Some men are just dogs and don’t care about you or your feelings and some have issues that are so much bigger than you could imagine and it’s worth distinguishing between the two before making a decision that would end a possibly really good thing. Sexual addiction is a real thing that goes unnoticed and is often treated as though it’s made up. It isn’t. I promise you.