I am still learning. I do not mean some of the words I say. I have things in my past that haunt me like abandoned corridors with broken pictures in rotting wooden frames hanging from the walls. But ever since you came into my life, there's been a fresh coat of paint and the broken glass from the pictures are picked up off the floor... and turns out the house wasn't abandoned, just forgotten for a little while. There's still a couple scrapes on the walls from furniture bumping into it. And sometimes the roof leaks when there is a hard rain. But it's livable. And it is starting to feel like home. But only when you are close by.

You're the person who taught me to love. Taught me to feel things again. Like how you feel rain on your skin or wind through your hair.

And you taught me to love myself. Or at least the fact that I should.

I've harmed myself in ways others can't see. Or don’t want to witness. I've stated these things to you and water then falls from your eyes. And I feel terrible grief for causing that river.

You’re the boy who loved me before I knew how to love myself.

You're the boy who promised to marry me when the time was right.

You're the boy who I am completely, head over heels in love with.

The boy I want to make a home with. Spend the rest of my life with.

I didn't want to grow old. I wanted to die young. Until I met you. You're the boy. And you're the only one for me.

My soulmate.

We state this to each other through whispers of the night. Like stardust floating down to earth's surface and touching our lips. Sending sparks of sunlight in the middle of the night. Because we are. We are soulmates. And you bring light to my life. Especially in the darkest of times.

But sometimes you cause the dark moments. The parts of the house that no one dares enter. A cellar. A basement. Dripping with despair. Old piping broken down causing mold and the rest of the house's supports to shudder.

It's not your fault though. You're the one who stepped Into the house. Not the one who caused the damage. The damage was already there.

I need to start new. Maybe. Build myself up from the ground Into a new structure completely. Maybe you could help me.

Please help me.

You lift me up. You have brought me back to life.

And. To think. I thought rising from the dead was impossible.

Sincerely,

A broken house who needs fixing