I'm sad because as usual

I have people trying to make me jealous. My life went to shit in 2005 and got worse in 2006. My ex B cheated on me with at least 2 other women I tried to be nice to his ex E and then her fucking ex T called me and told me the truth and then she went back to him. B got violent because he confessed to fucking E at least 3x behind my back and I forgave her because her parents told my parents about his violent nature and then despite the fact that I allowed E to pal around my friends and got a restraining order against B, she fucking went back to him and then he got expelled from my hs and started dating K. She knew why he got expelled and I didn't make fake rape allegations because he bragged to his friends and told my dad he raped me up the ass. I got taunted by his friends even though I kept to myself and then he fucking got violent at school before he got expelled. K probably knew about the rumors and the fence spray painting vandalism and I fucking kept my mouth shut and E's brother R told me that E and B are in the wrong and that he'd hurt K even though my friends who knew what B did to E and myself tried to tell her. B and E got T pissed off and he told me I shouldn't feel guilty for being cheated on. I tried to commit suicide because B got E pregnant multiple times and he got mad I wouldn't have his kid and then when E had a baby R didn't know if B or T or someone else was the father. So I left it alone and even though B was violent and I handled my depression and all the shit going on and had to go to court and B violated the restraining order anyway and I saw no justice whatsoever because I never pressed charges, I had to deal with death threats from him and his friends who I never inconvenienced such as his friend P who's N's little brother when I just ignored them. I fucking ran away to college because they'd stalk me online and in person and fuck with me. So why do I have to feel guilty about fucking assholes that ruined my life in hs that I never did shit to? I got cheated on and sexually, verbally and emotionally abused and B ruined my life. I didn't tell the DA and cops everything because he blackmailed me and got violent and the SRO officers at Hoggard didn't stop the assholes that bothered me. So what the fuck does anyone want? All I wanted was a normal life and the holidays get so hard because of all the shit I went through. I feel like I deserve to be dead like Tyler Clementi.