another disappointed month

So last month I was 4 days late and never late.so I thought there was a good chance so I took a test and BFN AND ENDED up getting it like an hr after taking the test. Now hubby and I are on vacation this week down yo texas visiting my bff and I get the dang thing early and like a dang flood gate opened. this was out 9th cycle trying. both 35yrs old. he has no children and wants so bad I have 2 from previous marriage. Just had to write and vent a lil. Just feels hopeless sometimes.