Fear of Relationships

I’m pretty sure I have a fear of relationships, not commitment, but the relationships themselves. If I ever hook up with someone at a party or something I’ll constantly ignore their messages which just gives me anxiety and mist make them feel awful too, until eventually they lose interest. I’m a mature person, especially for my age, but I just seem to handle relationships like a 4-year-old.

I have such a fear of rejecting people that I once went into a relationship with someone that I wasn’t even attracted to because I was too afraid to say no to them and break their heart. I didn’t mean to, but I led someone on in the worst way.

Another time I was talking to someone on Snapchat before they started to take things into the *romantic territory that makes me uncomfortable™* so I went along with it, the whole time just thinking ‘oh fuck I’m in that situation again’ and he believed that I liked him back. In the end in a fit on anxiety over it I blocked him without warning and I haven’t heard from him since. Poor guy.

I just know what to do?! All of my friends are in happy relationships and I’ve honestly never had a REAL relationship and I’m at that point/age where I feel like it’s something wrong with me.