Why am I changing my mind 😭

My man and I been together years we have 2 kids together and agreed to engage both where rings and never marry. Well I got into a terrible cAr accident that was life changing. Now it’s different we don’t see eye to eye. After the accident I realized I’m the woman that wants to get married change my name and become a wife. I don’t want to just be engaged. When I talked to him about this he says it wasn’t the agreement he has zero interest in marriage.

Well now I feel torn. People in the family are planning weddings and here I am. Not planning a wedding.

A part of me wants to leave, but I love him and he doesn’t realize how important this is to me since per our agreement marriage was off the table.

If I give him the ultimatum of marry me or done he will tell me that’s not happening then leave.

But it’s not what I truly want. I don’t want to be without him and coparent I just want a “true” family union.

I’m torn