broken

I haven't vented on here for a while so I'm going to.

I feel so goddamn broken. My my heart, my soul, my everything, it just feels shattered. I feels like if someone took my heart and crushed it between their hands. It's such a horrid feeling. My heart aches.

I just feel so shattered.

I always seem to self sabotage. I know when something is not good for me and I STILL do it. I know what I'm doing when I'm doing it.

In this instance, I just completely gave myself to this guy (not sexually) but emotionally and mentally, I trusted him KNOWING he just didn't care.

I always do things that are going to hurt me in the end, KNOWING they will hurt me.

I don't know why I do that. It's like I can't stand seeing myself be happy.