Still birth of my gorgeous son


Today I cried getting up, today I tried to avoid the mirror as I undress to see a black dress waiting for me in that dark corner but while looking at the mirror I see my body, I see those beautiful stretch marks you gave me but looking down and feeling nothing, just silence of What used to be called your home no bump just me alone. I get up knowing you're not in me and I get up knowing you're gone physically.

I cry everywhere. I see babies everywhere. People getting pregnant or almost close to delivery. I can't help to think that's un fair. I can't get away from it or from thinking about you. I walked in as I see your casket not even past the doors yet but I see the smallest casket I have ever laid my eyes on. As I come closer I see you lay their with your cold, peaceful glowing skin and your gorgeous hair with your adorable fox onesie on. You looked exactly how I would of pictured it if you were physically here wearing it.

I as a mom people should never have to make caskets for babies. Me as a mom to Kane no mom should have this happened to them nobody should ever feel this cruel pain that burns inside your flesh, goes threw your veins and strikes your heart. Honestly I feel hopeless, dead, numb. I can't even respond to people.

That day Kane died I became somebody new a totally different person someone I never knew I am not who I used to be I am definitely not the same the only thing that hasn't changed is my name I cry more then I ever did I break down quite a lot if you want to be specific. My heart gushes and is stabbed daily by hour, hour and hours. " you will move on " you will get strength" yadayadayda you never lost a baby a full term baby that you were to ready for. The pain will never stop. Might calm down but won't ever stop.

A mother gives her child life, an amazing life. And a love like no other and when that is taken and snatched there is only a grieving mother when you look into her eyes. I will never forget the moment your heart stopped and mine kept going. I held you in my stomach every second of your life and I will love you for every second of mine.

Dad and I don't even love you you're beyond the word love. We wish we could physically show you. Actions speak louder then words Kane. We're so sorry