So.... this is a long story. Thanks in advance for listening.

So this is my super super faint BFP. I wasn’t even sure it was real. I was sick like I had the flu. I was nauseous and achy. I was in a super good mood. Just happy, all the time (even before I got a positive). I couldn’t believe it. I was going to test again to be sure.

Anyways, I started bleeding and I knew what was happening. I never got it confirmed by a doctor by blood test or ultrasound but I always knew that’s what happened. I was cramping and having awful migraines. Awful, awful migraines. I bled and had headaches for four days.

I started to accept what happened. I posted it on Facebook and told all my friends and family. I started a Pinterest board. I went to my yearly gyno appt and told her about it. She said that since I was having pregnancy symptoms and had a very faint positive, that I was pregnant. She called it a blighted Ovum. She said that the sac begins to form, but the embryo does not. A very early miscarriage. I was learning to accept it.

But then, I was looking at photos of early miscarriages and they all had a big mass of stuff. And it was also bright red blood.

I don’t remember passing a big mass like that. Also, my blood came out brown and mucusy like poop. Mine looked nothing like the other miscarriage photos I’ve seen.

So now I’m starting to think that maybe I was never pregnant at all. Maybe I put myself through all this shit for nothing. Maybe I was sick instead of pregnant. Maybe I really did have the flu. Maybe it was a very rare false positive. Maybe I didn’t have to put myself through any of this shit. Maybe I was never pregnant. Now I’m angry and confused.