Spanking 1 year old?!

Background: I come from an African American Family who believes in spanking kids. I was spanked/hit til I was 18. I am now 23.

My almost 15 month old throws tantrums and falls out on the floor he's been doing this since he was like 3 months. He came out with a "temper" as my mom calls it.

I live with her again due to unfortunate circumstances. I would rather live on the street but its best for my son to live here.

Well here's the issue...

My mom says that I'm too soft on him and that its ridiculous that I let a 1 year old run over me. I have tapped his hands when he's about to touch something dangerous like a hot stove. Often a firm NO works but not lately. My mom says that I need to spank him because if I don't she won't be watching him anymore and no one else will because she says he's bad. I think spankings at 1 are absurd. What would you do? Moving out isn't an option for awhile.

254 views • 0 upvotes • 11 comments

COMMENT (11)

Fr

Posted at
Tantrums are developmentally NORMAL at this age (and for the next year or two)! Every toddler has tantrums, if someone claims that theirs does not, they are- 1) Lying 2) their child has not reached that developmental stage yet or 3) the child has some sort of developmental disability (I hate that word, but not sure what to use in place of it)Toddlers have tantrums because they get frustrated due to not being able to communicate with us and they do not know how to appropriately express their emotions- it is our job to teach them how to do this. I am 30/years old and I get upset if I am not getting what I want, but instead of lashing out or throwing a fit, I Process the situation, taking all of the variables into account and realize why the situation turned out the way it did. Toddlers do not have the mental capability to do that. The only way they will learn how to do this, is for us to teach them and guide them, and also time and maturity. If you spank them, your child will just become afraid of you, and if anything it will stunt this developmental process. He will not learn how to process situations or control his emotions. If I were you I would not want her to watch my child, because she is probably spanking him herself. There is also a recent 5 decade-long study showing the effects of spanking, please read it before you make a decision regarding this. So at least you will have an informed and educated decision regarding this topic. https://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers

St

Stephanie • Jan 19, 2018
Really well said!!

Fr

Fr • Jan 18, 2018
Thank you :) Its a topic that I am pretty passionate about, as I believe a lot of us are.

Di

Di • Jan 18, 2018
I was gonna post a nice long and detailed answer, but u said it all, perfectly , down to a T. perfect answer.

Ca

Posted at
NO stick to your guns. Tantrums are a normal part of development, that doesn't make them 'bad'. Don't let anyone force you into spanking your child.

Ka

Posted at
I believe in sparking, but not yet. My baby does not understand what I’m asking her to do or not do. Her tantrums are part of developing.

Am

Posted at
Have you tried teaching him sign language for stuff. We taught our daughter signs for please, thank you and food so far. Please honestly has been the best for cutting back on her tantrums because now she can point and sign please instead of pointing and crying for something. The sign food has helped cut back on the hangry snack time tantrums. I taught her thank you just because I like to be thanked for things. Lol.

Am

Am • Jan 18, 2018
I agree!!! We do sign language also & I think being able to communicate decreases the number of temper tantrums. Don't get me wrong Nolan can throw a tantrum with the best of them but signing helps. Sometimes I think having to watch my hands as I'm signing & asking what he wants breaks his concentration on whatever was causing the tantrum.

Fr

Fr • Jan 18, 2018
I second this!!! We do sign language as well and it has helped immensely with communication! There are DVDs and also a youtube channel called "baby signing time" by Rachel Coleman. Even if you don't allow your toddler to watch TV, she makes it very easy to learn so that you can teach him. I honestly do not know how we could do our day to day without her signing. She knows different foods, so she can tell me what she wants to eat. When she is thirsty, she is able to tell me if she wants water or milk. She even tells me when she is sleepy. Teaching her signing is one of the best decisions we have made so far! Amie, your last sentence made me giggle. Motherhood is such a thankless job 😆! Plus, it is never too early to teach good manners!

Sh

Posted at
No no no. I couldn’t imagine hitting my 1 year old. If you were spanked until your we’re 18 then obviously you didn’t learn from it because you were still getting spanked. Tell your mom he’s not her kid, and you can raid him however you want. When my daughter acts up I isolate her by putting her in her high chair and explain to her why she’s in there. They understand more than we give them credit for sometimes.