Grieving the wrong way

Hello everyone,

So I lost my father in 2011 when I was 14. I’m 22 now and ever since then I haven’t exactly been the same person. Depressed, stressed everyday, sad, etc. A year or two after my Dad passed I started doing Coke, Molly, drinking heavily to cope with the loss. I don’t do any of that stuff anymore but I still drink heavily. Everyday if not every other day. I feel like I’m lost, like I don’t know my purpose on this earth, who I am, what I’m good for, I have no motivation, no drive..

I guess what I’m asking is, how do I get out of this funk? I don’t want to be like this forever. I wanna be happy, successful and be a good mother to my son. I don’t drink when he’s awake. I only drink once he’s asleep but still.. that’s not okay with me.

What can I do to cope with all this ? :(