My boyfriend got shot down while asking for my parents blessing.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We’re both 19. He’s stationed in California right now and won’t be able to come back home to Texas for another year and a half, maybe even more. I’m also half way done with school and will start taking courses that are specifically for my degree. Last night my boyfriend called my mom to ask for her blessing in marriage. He decided to Call her first because they were always closer. He fully intended to ask my dad after speaking to her. He apologized about the situation and not being able to fly back home to do this in person. And then he asked my mom, she didn’t let him finish speaking and said no. That I wouldn’t be able to take living the life of a military wife and be unhappy. She also said to ask when WE were both done with school. Which as many as you know takes longer for men in the military as they’re in active service.

I really love him and it’s been so hard for the last year that he’s been gone. When he told me that he wanted to get married this year my heart almost exploded because I’d be able to be with him and we’d both support each other.

Also, I hate to burden people with this, but I’ll only say it to provide more insight. My brother who is now 25 and still living home, used to rape me from when I was 3 years old until I was in the 5th grade. He’d bring a neighbor and they led force me perform oral sex. Last year I decided to tell my boyfriend because I thought It was important to let him in. He was the first person I had ever told. He then said I couldn’t keep hiding it and had to speak up and talk about it with my parents. After a month, I decided it was true. I was tired of being forced into uncomfortable situations like both of you should sleep on the same bed when we go out of town. So I spoke up and they told me that I couldn’t speak about it to anyone. That it would ruin the family’s image. It’s been almost a year since then and I feel like I’m going crazy in my own home.

When the remote possibility came that my boyfriend might propose, it felt like such a blessing. That not only would I be leaving all of this behind, but that I got to do it with the person I loved.

My boyfriend called me after speaking with my mother. To apologize that he couldn’t get a blessing. We both still want to get married. It’s something we’ve spoken about for a while now.

What should we do? He wants me to talk to my mom about how I feel and maybe that will persuade her to change her mind about it. I just feel like we weren’t asking for their permission just for their blessing.