Anxiety and losing weight

So I really want kids but im so scared of getting too fat. I weight already 180 pounds in look like 160 but i know how much i weight and it bothers me so much.

Thinking that i will be 200 something by the end of my pregnancy it makes me so sad.

Ive already been at 230 and i lost 100 pounds but when you are not too fat you are too skinny -.-. So I had to gain weight and since then ive been up and down from 150 to 180 or 190...

its so hard to stick to my plan, im anxious and i binge, then im sad so i eat because im sad. I eat when im happy too.

It is just a big mess.

But i certainly want to be 160 before i get pregnant.

Any suggestions?