i need help advice anything

okay i’m fourteen just started high school(: very exciting i guess... okay so i’m in a relationship with someone i have been with for six months now, i’m very happy with him. but ever since november i’ve had these feelings that don’t go away it’s like sadness but worse it’s like sadness, guilt, and confusion mixed together. my boyfriend have grown very close since we met in august and i like spending lots of time with him. these feelings come whenever they want they stop me from going out with friends and family and i dread going to school. i don’t wanna do anything , hangout with my best friend or anything. my boyfriend always tries to help me by saying “it’s okay we can get through this” and all the really sweet things but these feelings come back... he thinks i’m depressed but like i’m trying to fight the feelings and there staying i really don’t know what to do i’ve been in the hospital before for self harm 3 times. but i’m not going to self harm it’s just the feelings ruin most of my days... what do i do? i’ve never felt this way? it’s probably the worst... i hate it , i want it to go away, i’ve tried eating healthy and stuff but like ugh... someone please comment advice

sometimes i’ll be with my boyfriend and i can’t help but cry for no reason and he tries helping me but there’s no explanation i just feel very very very crappy and it ruins our time together , i’ve been avoiding my bff for weeks because i don’t wanna go out i know i should want to have fun but i don’t have fun it’s weird and i’m confused , i want to be alone yet i feel like i need someone to be with me