Hard to let go or hard to love I dunno

I suck at communicating because I’m afraid of the end result.. and don’t know what to do .. how can I love someone so much and afraid to let them go when the communication isn’t great in both ends. Even though the guy thinks and says it’s me not him.. I feel like he doesn’t listen to my needs and just does what he wants . He doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do .. he thinks what he does in bed I should just accept it and not expect change when I told him it hurts in certain ways or just not doing it for me .. when he goes down on me ,it hurts it doesn’t feel good at all ... I rather scratch myself down there lightly and it feels better than how he does what he does.. sometimes I wish I had a dick it’s so much more easier to please that than a pussy... is there something wrong with me? I can’t even get wet at times because there’s no foreplay or I just can’t get wet when there is. But most of the time there isn’t .. he touches part of the pussy expecting thats the spot when it’s not even close and I’ll move his hand but he doesn’t get the idea that’s not the spot so I’ll get so mad and turn him off...