Help 😩😩

My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years on 2/25/18. We’ve been engaged two years as of this past Christmas. He’s a great guy and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He’s my first everything.. first kiss. First relationship. First love. First sexual partner. He’s my best friend. I love him. So much.

But I don’t know if I’m in love with him anymore. I’ve been praying for our relationship lately. My fiancé will not y’all about marrying me yet.. typical “I know I love you and wanna marry you. Im just not ready yet.” I’m growing in Christ and I feel like he isn’t trying to grow with his relationship with God. We go to the same church. I feel like he just goes to play drums on our praise team. He’s really talented on it - he plays by ear. Anyways. I feel like God is telling me to end the relationship and seek Him more. I know it’s something I’ve gotta do and something I know that will break both of us. We’re each other’s first in so many areas. But I know my relationship with Christ is more important than a relationship with man.

But my fiancé was recently diagnosed with cancer - he has melanoma in his eye. Obviously I’m not gonna break up with him until after his treatments, but I still feel like a total jerk because I feel like I should walk away. Who knows, God may put us back together. I’m just hurting and confused. Any thoughts, prayers, are greatly appreciated.